So I’m trying to keep it formal, but the fact of the matter is that this memorable guest Monday goes out to the guy who shit all over our restroom. I’ll never forget you, friend.
A multi-course meal with cocktails and wine is an exercise in gastric fortitude. I work at a steakhouse, and we raise the bar even further. Bourbon is abundant. Portions are huge. There will be butter, and egg yolk, and heavy cream. We sell cigars, so add nicotine into the mix. Living it up at my restaurant is not for the faint of heart.
This customer drank himself silly and ate like a champ. He bought two -- TWO -- $900 bottles of cult California cab. Getting up from the table, he was a bit wobbly and needed some support from his friend. One quick stop in the restroom, a final wave and a thank-you from our bartender, and he was out the door.
We locked up behind him, and my co-worker went to use the customer bathroom. This is usually verboten – we are not to be seen in the same washroom as the guests during dinner service. It’s a treat to use the fancy soap, the soft hand towel…and on this night, almost fall on the pile of explosive diarrhea that this man had left behind.
The guy just didn’t make it to the toilet. He was so close, and yet so far.
Sadly, there’s no thrilling conclusion to this story. We didn’t chase the customer down and demand he clean up after himself, even though he is an adult and what he did is rude and disgusting. We can’t shame him publicly because he’s our GUEST, and he got sick, and that’s not what hospitality is about. We just called the cleaners and gave them a heads up as to what they were walking into.
However, there is a lesson to be learned, and for me it is this: Money can buy you a lot of things, including a $2,000 meal. But it can’t buy you class.