This post is dedicated to a dear server friend of mine, who recently got burned by a small tip on a large group of people...
I'm sure you've seen the disclaimer at the bottom of many restaurant menus: "Parties of 8 or more will automatically be charged a gratuity." You see, there is a risk involved with these big groups. A server sacrifices other tables for them so that they can be focused on this larger number of customers, and they tend to be more work. (It's hard to get the attention of fifteen people at once, and get them on the same page regarding wine, appetizers, etc. Don't even get me started on splitting checks and processing a number of credit cards -- that will be a future blog post all its own, but suffice it to say it's more complicated than it looks). The "auto-grat" is a savior for servers who want to ensure that the loss of other tables and the work they put into making the evening special for a big party is going to be worth it financially.
I happen to love waiting on large parties, and I always -- ALWAYS -- add the automatic gratuity.
But a lot of servers don't.
If you are a part of a large party, and your server doesn't add the auto-gratuity, then he has probably spent at least several minutes considering whether or not you are going to be a generous tipper and deemed you worth the gamble. They have probably also consulted with other servers on whether or not to add an auto-gratuity to your check. "Really? They're in the back talking about me?" Yes. Most definitely, yes. Gossip about customers makes serving life worth living. You are the human parade and we are the spectators watching you strut by. Are you middle-aged, dressed impeccably, and giving the bartender a 30% tip while waiting for your table? Servers are probably going to roll the dice and let you leave whatever tip you wish, because it could be more than the auto-grat.
On the other hand, if your entire party split salads between guests for dinner, drank iced tea, and asked for separate checks, then guess what? You're getting auto-gratted. Same call if you're over 70: the days of a 15% tip (or less -- the horror) being standard are fading away, but not all senior guests got the memo. I'm not going to let your Nanna write me a tip of $2.37 in perfect penmanship. Boom: Auto-grat.
SOPHIA IS SUPA-DUPA FLY BUT QUITE FRANKLY I DON'T TRUST THIS BITCH WITH MY MONEY.
I know these stereotypical judgments are wrong, but they happen every day in restaurants around the country. It's our livelihood on the line, and wait staff are trying to maximize every single dollar. The next time you are paying for a large party, see if the server automatically adds the tip or not. It's a window into how you're viewed by the people who waited on you all evening. They could be like me: I'm over the drama of trying to determine the net worth and propensity for generosity of someone I've just met, and I just add the damn grat. Or, your server could be sending you a clear message. What you do with that information is up to you.