Alcohol! Glorious alcohol! Liquor and wine sales have so many upsides: boozed-up guests are more chatty and engaging, increasing my tip with their higher check averages and lowered inhibitions. Sadly, pouring alcohol has a terrible dark side as well…it eventually turns customers into belligerent, incoherent pricks. And that, my friends, is when I have to cut someone off.
Cutting a guest off is the most stressful part of my job, because no one ever takes that news well. However, pouring the hard stuff responsibly is incredibly important to both the safety of the customer and the financial well-being of a restaurant. Stopping service is an occasional necessity. Herewith, I describe to you the 6 stages of telling someone that they’re not getting any more drinks out of me….
STAGE ONE: CUSTOMER REVEALS THEY HAVE HAD TOO MUCH TO DRINK, PROBABLY IN A SOCIALLY-AWKWARD MANNER
It dawns on me that my guest is probably drunk. I say, “dawns on me,” because the last few times I’ve had to cut someone off, they have arrived at my establishment already intoxicated: Almost everyone pre-games nowadays. So, I might have to guess that someone is drunk, or I may have watched them slowly lose their composure cocktail- by-cocktail. Either way, everyone knows the tell-tale signs of inebriation, and tipsy customers display the following in spades.
-Slurring of speech. Drunk guests can’t get their shit together to order, or to make small talk, or to ask where the bathroom is. They sound like your favorite podcast on .5X speed. After you dropped your iphone in the toilet.
-Hiccups. This is the most awkward red flag to witness, because it is the most glaring. Some people can’t get a sentence out without the staccato interruption of hiccups – it can’t be ignored and is incredibly embarrassing for everyone involved.
-Flushing of the skin: The customer is a red-faced nightmare.
-Spilling and making a mess. There is food everywhere, water all over the tablecloth, and silverware on the floor, yet no children are at the table.
-Lack of volume control, especially while using profanity. Other customers usually notice this one, and are craning their necks to watch the show. Drunk and disorderly guests truly have no idea how obnoxious they have become to everyone within earshot.
-Stumbling. “Where is the bathroom? And can you support my substantial weight the entire way there?”
You look like Big Bird when you're drunk.
After scanning for the usual signs, I usually need a second opinion.
STAGE TWO: I ASSEMBLE MY POSSE
Before I decide to cut someone off, I always ask my co-workers if the guests seem overly drunk. I don’t want to go down that road without serious backup, because it’s going to cause a confrontation and I don’t want to go it alone. This discussion is usually taking place in the back while the customers are looking around for me wondering where their next round is. Suckers. With my team backing me up, I steel myself for the impending storm, take a deep breath, and ….
STAGE THREE: I ATTEMPT TO BREAK IT TO THEM GENTLY
I tell the guests they won’t be getting any more alcohol. There is no good way to communicate this, so I just have to bite the bullet. Usually I say, “Unfortunately I’m unable to serve you any more alcohol this evening.” The guest NEVER responds with, “You know what? You’re right. Thank you for looking out for my safety and well-being."
The Z-Man knows what's up.
They typically ask why I’m cutting them off, at which point I have to delicately dance around the fact that they are a spilling, hiccupping, screaming, red-faced booze monster that smells like a dishrag soaked in a Manhattan. What I really want to say is, “You are a disgusting wasted mess.” A more carefully worded phrase might go something like, “It appears you have already had some alcohol and I want to exercise care and make sure you are not over-served. It’s important to me that you get home safely this evening.” But, no matter how I say it, the next step is inevitable.
STAGE FOUR: GUESTS FREAK OUT
They usually look like this, but scarier.
They list what they’ve had so far that evening in an effort to tell me that they’re not that drunk. They call me offensive and rude for judging their behavior. They tell me how much money they’ve spent at my establishment. Eventually, the possibility of an evening without liquor begins to seep into their inebriated minds, and in an effort to change that, they want to speak to someone higher up on the food chain.
STAGE FIVE: THE MANAGER STEPS IN
At this point, the customers usually pull any remaining composure out of their ass and attempt to appear as sober as possible while they beg for the opportunity to have a drink. I have seen people completely transform in the time it took for my boss to come out of his office. It’s like they’re preparing for their (inevitable) field sobriety test. But — shout out to my managers! — in the past they have always had my back. The guests take this opportunity anyway, to bitch and moan about how I am an awful human being. At this point I am usually hiding behind a wall.
I am not joking. I have hidden from guests. And I'll do it again.
STAGE SIX: THE THRILLING CLIMAX
Guests cause a huge scene when they realize their party is over for the evening. They want everyone in the restaurant to know about the injustice that has befallen them. They’re usually no longer seated, and stand on their soapbox in the middle of the dining room. Pathetic name-dropping or power grabs follow, such as “I know the owner and am going to tell him how I was treated tonight!” Occasionally, there are threats, too. One lady said she was going to call her lawyer and sue us. Another said she was going to call the corporate office. According to my manager, he has been “fired” by guests about 3 dozen times.
Fortunately, when their blustering is over, most guests leave without eating anything else or spending any more time in the restaurant. In fact, I’ve never had any further interaction with any guests I’ve ever cut off. They’ve never called the next day to apologize for being drunk and disorderly; nor have they called to make any formal complaint about me stopping alcohol service.
The liquor license is an incredibly important financial tool for any restaurant, and like any tool, it has to be used responsibly. The businessand the server can be held legally accountable for accidents and injuries that occur when a guest is served past the point of intoxication. Cutting someone off is difficult and tense, but in the end, keeping my job and staying out of court is more important than my interaction with any one guest.
And hey – I want all my customers to get home safely! That’s really what this is all about. If you’re ever at a bar and denied further service, accept it and find a ride home. Try to break through the fog in your mind and remember not to cause a scene.
Go forth and drink responsibly, my friends.
