Verbal tips don't pay the bills

I got a pretty sweet verbal tip tonight. Look at the check below and you'll see that the guest went out of her way to jot down a little note to me and my co-worker. Awwww.

                                                        No.

To be honest, I loved these two. I really did. They were celebrating a birthday and having a great time. We hit it off, and at the end of the night, they told me I was wonderful. I worked hard to impress them, the vibe was just right, and I thought I'd get lucky. But they had led me on. 

Servers constantly have their feelers out to gauge whether or not their tables are enjoying themselves, and more importantly, if they're enjoying our service. We try to back off when we get the impression that guests would rather keep to themselves, and we turn on the charm if two people are just sitting there in silence waiting for the food to arrive. We want you to have a good time! And when everything is running on all cylinders, we relax a little and think, "These people are living it up. Surely they'll leave me 20%." 

It's a feeling so certain that sometimes I bank on it. I print out the check and am already depositing that 20% into my account. Maybe they'll give me even more! The guests are fawning, what could possibly go wrong? I drop the check off and say thank you one last time. The host continues to shower me with praise as they sign the bill, and others from the table hug me on their way out. Maybe they even stop to tell the manager what a wonderful asset the restaurant has in a server like me. I am freaking Miss America. I. MADE. THEIR. NIGHT.

But then I walk over the the empty table, pick up the check...and what the hell? It's less than 20%. It's far less than 20%. I've just been given a verbal tip. And you know what? I love the flattery and the compliments, but in the words of Jay-Z, "We can talk, but money talks, so talk mo' bucks." In other words, if you don't usually tip 20%, or can't because you're out for a splurge and can't afford it, then I just don't want to hear the adulation. 

And don't get me wrong: I'm not mad at people when they don't tip 20%. It's simply not worth the negative energy. Because guess what? The next table will tip me 50% and I won't do cartwheels over that, either. Any server who doesn't think of tips with the motto of "easy come, easy go" in the back of their mind is inviting manic mood disorder into their lives. The fact of the matter is that everything tends to balance out. But when someone goes out of their way to shower praise upon me while at the same time tipping less than the accepted standard? That's a bait and switch. That's a verbal tip. And verbal tips don't pay the bills.