Taking a customer's order is 80% of my job. I have a lot of other skills: hospitality, food knowledge, sales, etc. But listening to a guest and relaying their wishes to the kitchen is far and away the most important thing I do at work. I know that the act of telling your server what you want for dinner should be a smooth and simple transaction. Unfortunately, miscommunication often occurs and you end up with the wrong plate in front of you.
There is a simple yet little-known truth about ordering: there is a way to do it that increases your odds of getting everything you want, in a timely fashion. These hints will help your server get it right every time.
1. Let’s begin at the beginning: get your questions out of the way first. Talking to guests about the food is one of the highlights of my night. I get to feel like an expert on something! I get to recommend my favorites! I have budgeted time for this. Ask away and then make your decisions.
2. Don’t insist you’re ready to order if you’re not really ready. Almost every server on the planet will ask you, “Are you ready to order or do you need more time?” Please, I pray that you will look deep into your soul and be honest about whether you know what you’re having for dinner that night.
Patron Saint of restaurant workers, please let my customers arrive at a swift decision regarding their meal, and enjoy their heavenly cheeseburgers. Amen.
This is NOT the part where you act cutesy and say, “Start with them and I’ll go last, I’ll know by then.” The majority of the time, this is a lie. STOP LYING TO ME. When you do this, you have shackled yourself to me while you make this face:
She think she cute, but she is wasting all of our time. Also, don't search for "woman deciding" in google images unless you want to see some real sexist shit. But I digress.
It is usually at this point that there’s another patron staring at me from across the dining room wondering what the hell I’m doing standing at your table watching you while you THINK, when they have dropped their fork on the floor and desperately need a new one. Time is a server's most valuable asset. When it's wasted on any one guest, all the other people in her section suffer as a result.
So, if you're not ready, just tell your server you need more time. Simple as that. Shut your menu when you are ready. ***A CLOSED MENU IS THE UNIVERSAL SIGN AND ANY SERVER WORTH A DAMN WILL PICK UP ON THIS VISUAL CLUE.***
3. Order everything at once. Wait until you know what you want for each course and then order all of the courses at the same time. Often, people will say, “I’m going to start with the shrimp appetizer,” and they want to hold on to their menus and wait to order the entrees. This is fine, but if you do this, you must realize that:
- You will still have your menus when your appetizers come out. At restaurants where there isn’t a lot of table space, this can be annoying.
- Most cooks have started your entrees while you are eating your appetizer. If you wait until you’re finished your appetizer to order your entrée, and it has a long cooking time, then it could mean you have a huge wait. Even when people tell me, “We’re ok with taking our time,” they tend to look around when their main course isn't out in a timely fashion. They did it to themselves -- that well-done steak could have been on the grill when they started their salads. But no, they wanted to "hang on" to their menus. Make like Elsa: Tell me everything you want, and let it go.
4. Order IN ORDER. That’s an order. Tell me what you want by starting with your appetizer, then move on to soup or salad, and finish with your entrée. A lot of people have a habit of time traveling through their meal as they order: “I’ll have the fettucine alfredo with chicken. But to start I’ll have the Caesar salad without anchovies.” Servers are writing down what you say (or they should be, anyway) and most people write left to right. Don’t make me hop all over the page as you mix it up. Tell me your selections in the order in which you'd like to receive them.
Leave the time travel to Doc Brown, people.
5. We’ve now made it to the MOST IMPORTANT GOLDEN RULE FOR ORDERING: Every order in the world can be communicated in 20 seconds or less. Every order. Every course, every modification, every allergy. In fact, 20 seconds is extremely generous.
For example, time yourself reciting the following: “I’ll start with the tossed salad, but I don’t want croutons and I’ll have ranch dressing on the side. Then I’ll have the steak cooked medium rare, but I want French fries instead of mashed potatoes, and some A-1 on the side. Please let the chef know I have a severe nut allergy.” BAM. That’s how it’s done. When someone orders like this I want to kiss them on the mouth. It's more rare than steak tartare.
It's a little-known Biblical fact that Jesus ordered like a boss. "Bread and wine for the table please. Serve Judas last -- I've got a bad feeling about him."
I hope you find some of these tips helpful and that your plates arrive correctly, efficiently, and piping hot. Go forth and happy ordering!
